*Based on a Facebook post from about this same time last year. Also, if you’ve never read “If You Give A Mouse A Cookie” to your kid, just get out. Now. Go. I don’t even know you anymore.*
Why am I home alone, sitting on my 11 year old daughter’s bed wearing nothing but cotton candy pink Crocs? I feel now is a good time to remind you that this is a judgement free zone, people. Don’t give me crap about the Crocs!
I was about to get in the shower but then started cleaning my bathroom because it looks like a Louisiana rest stop. Then I saw my makeup bag from this past weekend’s overnighter which I still haven’t unpacked so I unpacked it. Then I realized, with a bit of panic, that our cruise is in two weeks and I should really start rounding up some shit to pack. Then I realized my oil free moisturizer bottle takes up a lot of room in my suitcase so I decanted some into a little travel jar but then I remembered that I suck at remembering things and figured that I’ll forget what the jar contents are by the time we cruise and probably just end up in the ship’s emergency clinic because I spread the mysterious white substance in places it was never meant to be spread. Then I went to my junk drawer to get a Sharpie so I could label the jar accordingly. There were no Sharpies to be found because, and I’m just spit balling here, my thieving little 11 year old Martha Stewart wannabe took them, probably for the intention of labeling her horse collectibles. She can make anything into a stable and she actually has me recycling crap for her crafts now. Recycling really pisses me off. I go to her room and find no Sharpies.
THAT is why I’m sitting in my daughter’s bedroom completely pissed off, naked and dirty because I still haven’t taken my shower, which I undressed for about 2 hours ago.
Welcome to my world of Adult ADHD.