Who You Calling OCD?

My 16 year old son has Asperger’s Syndrome which I’m sure I’ll write about in more detail someday but today, there’s just this:

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See the green soap? I’ve placed it on the sink because I have a soap order. Yeah, go ahead and tranq my crazy ass. I keep my hand soaps under the kitchen sink, to be used in order by season.

I’ll wait here until you can contain your uncontrollable laughter/contempt/jealousy.

It’s currently 35 degrees here yet obviously too late to use my “winter” soaps, too early to use my “spring” soaps. We’re in between seasons right now thus the green “filler” soap pictured above. It’s clearly much too early to be using fluffy, sweet pink soap named Pink Vanilla Macaron. Pink Vanilla Macaron makes me desperately want to hold a baby bunny wearing a pink sundress. I would be wearing the pink sundress, not the bunny. Just to be clear because that would just be stupid. Or possibly the cutest thing ever.

Pink Vanilla Macaron should not be on my kitchen counter yet it keeps reappearing everyday, taunting me like a Cadbury Creme Egg the day after Valentine’s Day. Although delicious, it is much too fucking early. Go home, Cadbury Creme Egg. You are drunk.

What does my son have to do with all this? He refuses to use my transitional green soap. He really likes Pink Vanilla Macaron and is totally usurping my tidy seasonal soap order authority every single day. He’s as staunchly for Pink Vanilla Macaron in late February/early March as I am against it. I put Pink Vanilla Macaron back in wait, he returns it to the counter. This dance has continued for a week now.

I should let it slide, you say? Pick your battles and be the adult, huh? All fine and good but where does this madness stop? Where does this slippery soap slope lead? It leads to Coconut Lime in April! April, damn it!  I mean, I just can’t.  I can’t.

At this point, it’s a draw on who’s more OCD, me or my son, but I do know this: The Nurture or Nature Debate is making me its bitch right now.

What’s your freakish, umm, favorite organizational skill? Tell me in the comments below and help me feel somewhat normal. As if that’s even possible.

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10 comments

  1. Anything in my closet that could be worn to work, i.e. dressier clothes (or really anything that is not jeans, shorts, capris, t-shirts, stained, ugly), must go on a black hanger. Everything else goes on a white hanger. There must not be any other color hanger on my side of the closet. And NO WIRE HANGERS!

    When I actually take the time to hang my clothes rather than leave them in the clean laundry basket until they all migrate over to the dirty laundry basket, I also tend to organize the clothes according to different categories and/or criteria. Those criteria are must too difficult to explain, but trust that it goes beyond pants, dresses, skirts, blouses, sweaters, jeans, t-shirts, etc. We’re talking colors, fabrics, sleeve-length, order of preference… I could go on and on. It’s very specific.

    You have to know me really, really well to truly believe that I am OCD. Because to others I just look like a slob. The truth is that I am so nit-picky and detail-oriented about stuff that I will make myself crazy to get things exactly the right way. So instead I just do nothing and let it all go to hell. Sure, that makes me crazy, too. But not in the obsessive, sick-to-my-stomach, wrapped-too-tight kind of way that the OCD does. Every once in a while, though, I’ll let that bitch out. And then nothing is safe.

    1. Ha ha! See, my closet is a disaster movie! Come over and organize my closet, with graphs and flow charts, of course, and I’ll organize all your soaps. My soap organization extends to body washes, lotions, body sprays and my makeup collection. Thank you for letting me know I’m not alone! I love you, chick!

  2. Has anyone ever mentioned that it’s obvious you two are related?…lol. Just kidding (OCD)….since having kids it is a daily must to check on the current status of the TP…is there any, is it in your current bathroom, and for God sakes is it actually on the roll and not sitting in the pool of water surrounding the sink.

    1. George, I remember when your baby girl was born. Who knew you’d be protecting her from soggy toilet paper years later? You’re a good Dad. Although, I’m sensing that YOU’RE the one with the soggy toilet paper phobia. Noted for possible high school reunion hijinks…..

  3. Nobody, and I mean nobody, gets to read my People magazine before me. After I read it, they can totally wipe their butt with it. But never before. Very impressed with Landon’s focus on hand-care, but if he wants to read my People first he’ll have to wait.

  4. It was ironic to hear about you storing soaps under your sink. I store air fresheners the same way, but in bathroom , top cabinet. I have seasonal sprays and different fragrances and so on. OH, and they must be febreze air effects. I take the appropriate one out for use, at the appropriate season, etc. (I am getting low on all of them right now. It sure is gonna cost a lot to replace them all!) I AM OCD ON A LOT OF THINGS!! Here are a few more, that came to my mind: Speaking of T.P. It must be on the roller the right way! Always hanging down, and most of the time folded into tip , at end. (that is from my days of working for motel.) Another seasonal thing are my pot holders and hand towels. They must be rotated for different seasons.(and boy do I get out of wack, if my husband uses one, when it is the wrong season!!) I have millions more, but I will leave you with this one….. The scissors better be in the places, I have made for them!! ( This stems from my mother waking us up in the middle of the night to find the scissors!) I have about 2 pairs in every room!! (THEY BETTER NOT BE MOVED!!) P.S, my closet is a mess too!!!

    1. D, you had me laughing over all this! I stock up on the Bath & Body Works soaps when they’re on sale and as you know, they have two big sales a year – right after Christmas and then in summer. So I may buy Pumpkin Spice in July, if it’s the right price. I then store them under the sink, in order of season, current ones in front. You know I’m ADHD, girl, but I’m extremely OCD about my soaps. Lol.

      Toilet paper, I don’t care. As long as it’ll come off the roll, I’m good. Pointed ends would probably make me drink. More.

      The scissors! I have scissors in the kitchen, in a few different spots. I have a pair in my bathroom and a small pair in my car. If they go missing, I lose it. I need my scissors!

      Pot holders and towels – I gave up on them long ago. I don’t buy seasonal because it drove me crazy either having to store them or see Christmas towels in May. So I just stopped. Same with welcome mats, etc. If it won’t work all year long, I don’t buy it. But that goes back to my OCD.

      Thanks for reading and commenting, D! Love you much, chick.

    2. Ack! The closet bit. My closet is extremely small so I have to keep it somewhat organized or I can’t find anything, ironically. The house we had before we moved here had a walk in closet, almost the size of my current kitchen. It was a disaster area. With the smaller closet, I have really cracked down in the last year to keep it organized because usually I’m throwing on the first thing I see and I like knowing exactly where everything’s at.

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