It’s been an amazing week in Texas. I feel like it has flown by and, as usual, I didn’t have near enough time to see all the people I wanted to see or do all the things I wanted to do.
It’s been a special trip because my brother fulfilled his lifelong (or close to) dream of opening his own bar. It’s a gay bar. And I’m very proud of him.
When my brother called me and told me his grand opening would be on August 2nd, I knew I had to rearrange my travel dates and it also meant I would miss my regular stop in Arlington to see my girlfriends, the ones I take a somewhat traditional girl’s trip with. I suggested they come to my hometown to see me this year and also to see a show of a lifetime.
Anyway, I thought I’d post a few of the texts/messages going back and forth since all this started. This is actually pretty tame for us but I hope you get a laugh.
Two weeks ago:
Me: So here’s what I’m proposing. Y’all put your three super fine asses in one vehicle and come to XYZ Town on August 2nd to do this with me. Professional Queens and a reserved table at my brother’s gay bar. It cannot, I repeat, cannot get more epic than this. Btw, it’s a two hour drive. Let Fantasia drive and you’ll be there in one hour, tops.
Fantasia: I am so in! I may have to find a kick ass outfit. What do you wear to a gay bar grand opening? Is it wrong I’m so freaking excited about this?!?!
Beth: I will have to see how things go with Darrell.
Lucinda: I think this will be a blast. I will see what I can do. Ferris gets home on the 1st. I will say “yes” for now and see what I can do.
Fantasia: Now I feel bad. I didn’t even think about asking Tony.
Me: Bring lots of dollar bills. I’m so fucking excited!
Fantasia: I already started making my $1 bills (I assumed she meant saving them since I don’t think she’s a professional counterfeiter and felon. TO MY KNOWLEDGE).
Several days later:
Me: Fantasia and Lucinda have confirmed! We have a reserved table and at least one lesbian who has vowed to protect us. From what, I don’t know but I’m sure we’ll have a ball finding out.
Fantasia: Only one lesbian??? Apparently, our reputation is quite lacking in XYZ Town.
Me: Well, so far. Give me more time to woo more lesbians. I’ve only been in town one night.
Me (after some debate over staying at my parent’s house or getting a hotel room): I already got a hotel room. It’s on me since y’all are coming down here to hang out with my ass. E said he expects a sex tape out of it, though.
Lucinda: Well, that is the least we could do.
Fantasia: So what do you wear to a gay bar? I’m walking into Home Depot. I thought about finding a skirt to wear.
Fantasia (one minute later): Not at Home Depot just to be clear.
Me: Just wear a tool belt. Bam. Most wanted woman in the room.
Fantasia: Who will be the cop and the Indian?
***Something so inappropriate, I won’t even post it on my blog***
Me: You could get plywood and make a box skirt to protect your innocence.
Beth: An actual “box” skirt. I like that idea. Pick up a lock for your cooter.
Me: I knew you would like that. I’d also vacuum seal all your shit up. Wrap it up tight like a steak.
Fantasia: The people in Home Depot just stared in awe when I tried to explain the box skirt and asked what aisle it would be on.
Hopefully, I’ll be able to post some kick ass pictures next week of the grand opening. I hope y’all have an awesome weekend! Summer wrap up in the next week or so after kids go back to school and I can recover from this summer.