Dude Looks Like A Lady.

It’s been an amazing week in Texas.  I feel like it has flown by and, as usual, I didn’t have near enough time to see all the people I wanted to see or do all the things I wanted to do.

It’s been a special trip because my brother fulfilled his lifelong (or close to) dream of opening his own bar.  It’s a gay bar.  And I’m very proud of him.

When my brother called me and told me his grand opening would be on August 2nd, I knew I had to rearrange my travel dates and it also meant I would miss my regular stop in Arlington to see my girlfriends, the ones I take a somewhat traditional girl’s trip with.  I suggested they come to my hometown to see me this year and also to see a show of a lifetime.

Anyway, I thought I’d post a few of the texts/messages going back and forth since all this started.  This is actually pretty tame for us but I hope you get a laugh.

Two weeks ago:

Me:  So here’s what I’m proposing.  Y’all put your three super fine asses in one vehicle and come to XYZ Town on August 2nd to do this with me.  Professional Queens and a reserved table at my brother’s gay bar.  It cannot, I repeat, cannot get more epic than this.  Btw, it’s a two hour drive.  Let Fantasia drive and you’ll be there in one hour, tops.

Fantasia:  I am so in!  I may have to find a kick ass outfit.  What do you wear to a gay bar grand opening?  Is it wrong I’m so freaking excited about this?!?!

Beth:  I will have to see how things go with Darrell.

Lucinda:  I think this will be a blast.  I will see what I can do.  Ferris gets home on the 1st.  I will say “yes” for now and see what I can do.

Fantasia:  Now I feel bad.  I didn’t even think about asking Tony.

Me:  Bring lots of dollar bills.  I’m so fucking excited!

Fantasia:  I already started making my $1 bills (I assumed she meant saving them since I don’t think she’s a professional counterfeiter and felon.  TO MY KNOWLEDGE).

Several days later:

Me:  Fantasia and Lucinda have confirmed!  We have a reserved table and at least one lesbian who has vowed to protect us.  From what, I don’t know but I’m sure we’ll have a ball finding out.

Fantasia:  Only one lesbian???  Apparently, our reputation is quite lacking in XYZ Town.

Me:  Well, so far.  Give me more time to woo more lesbians.  I’ve only been in town one night.

Last night:

Me (after some debate over staying at my parent’s house or getting a hotel room):  I already got a hotel room.  It’s on me since y’all are coming down here to hang out with my ass.  E said he expects a sex tape out of it, though.

Lucinda:  Well, that is the least we could do.


Fantasia:  So what do you wear to a gay bar?  I’m walking into Home Depot.  I thought about finding a skirt to wear.

Fantasia (one minute later):  Not at Home Depot just to be clear.

Me:  Just wear a tool belt.  Bam.  Most wanted woman in the room.

Fantasia:  Who will be the cop and the Indian?

***Something so inappropriate, I won’t even post it on my blog***

Me:  You could get plywood and make a box skirt to protect your innocence.

Beth:  An actual “box” skirt.  I like that idea.  Pick up a lock for your cooter.

Me:  I knew you would like that.  I’d also vacuum seal all your shit up.  Wrap it up tight like a steak.

Fantasia:  The people in Home Depot just stared in awe when I tried to explain the box skirt and asked what aisle it would be on.

Hopefully, I’ll be able to post some kick ass pictures next week of the grand opening.  I hope y’all have an awesome weekend! Summer wrap up in the next week or so after kids go back to school and I can recover from this summer.


  1. Damn it girl!!! I really wish we would have hung out more when you lived here! By the way, tell your brother CONGRATS!!! Glad he is living his dream!

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