My kids can’t wait for the Star Wars sequel that comes out in December. Landon is watching all the movies, Gracie is acquiring every Star Wars tee shirt I’ll let her buy, and I’m attempting to explain to them how big of a deal Star Wars was when I was a kid. I don’t think they’ll ever truly get how huge it was, still is. Maybe at the premiere, and we will go to the midnight showing, they will finally see how much it means to so many people.
E just got home from a business trip and is working from home for the rest of the afternoon. Landon is here in the living room with me watching The Attack Of The Clones. I don’t really like the prequels. Anakin is a little bitch, in my opinion, and really gets on my nerves.
Anyway, this just actually happened and I thought you good people should know.
Movie (Padmé to Anakin): I brought you some food. Are you hungry?
Me (silently mouthing to E behind Landon’s back): FOR PUSSY!
Movie (Anakin to Padmé): I don’t even know what he said. He was whining like a bitch again over not saving his Mom.
Me to Landon: Does Anakin whine through all the prequels?
Landon: No. He stops at the end of the last one.
Me: Only because he turned to the dark side. I like him better evil. He didn’t whine so much.
Landon: I wish Obi-1 would have turned evil and not Anakin.
Me: It’s Obi-WAN. Not the number 1.
E (laughing): It’s Obi-ONE.
Me: No, it’s Obi-WAN.
E (still laughing disturbingly loudly): What, is he Mexican? “Si, may the force be weeth you” (said in a really pretty good Mexican accent, I must admit)
Me: No, not like J-U-A-N. Like W-A-N. More like Chinese. And you just sounded like Cheech and Chong, by the way.
Landon (now laughing): Dad’s right and so am I.
I sat in stunned silence, pondering how I could have been wrong all these years. So wrong. Over Star Wars, one of the most watched movie series of my entire childhood and teenage years. What kind of person am I?!
Me (aloud): I’ve been wrong all these years?
Me: I’m Googling it!
E and I type furiously at the same time.
Me: I’M RIGHT! IT’S OBI-WAN! W-A-N, SUCKER!
E (almost the exact same time I say the above): It IS Obi-WAN. You’re right!
Obi-WAN, fuckers. It’s Obi-WAN. If any of you need a knowledgeable friend to go to the Star Wars sequel with you in December, I’m the one to call. Leave E’s and Landon’s asses at home.
There were so many titles for this blog I wanted to use. Here were the options.
This Will Be A Day Long Remembered
Now I Am The Master
The Force is NOT With You
The Force Is Weak In This One
Into The Garbage Chute, Fly Boy!
He Is NOT The Brains, Sweetheart
Aren’t You A Little Stupid For A Stormtrooper?
Let The Wookie Win
“Let The Wookie Win” was my favorite just because that’s one of my favorite scenes but it didn’t fit here. E and Landon still have six more months to come up with something so I can use that title. Don’t give up hope.
Before you give me a hard time for boasting, E still reminds me to this day of stupid things I said two whole decades ago. And if he had been right about this one, I would have been hearing about it on my deathbed. I’ve offered E the chance to write a rebuttal with all the stupid shit I’ve said over the years. Stay tuned to see if he’ll do it. Maybe Obi-ONE can help him.