Candy

This Is Halloween, Part One

My family loves Halloween.

This is usually exactly when the person I’m talking to or chatting with on Facebook says/writes “Oh, we do, too!”

No.  You don’t understand the level of our Halloween craziness.  Your $50 worth of 100% real juice fruit snacks for the neighborhood rug munchers (I once called toddlers that and my friend Lucinda immediately started laughing and informed me that I was using the wrong term but I’m sticking with “rug munchers”, damn it) and traditional delightful kitty cat costume isn’t really the same thing.  Bless your heart.

We used to live in a gated community in Texas where lots of young families lived.  Halloween was fun and festive and busy.  We’d answer our door and give the little rug munchers candy (not that fruit shit, damn it, it’s Halloween, people!) for about an hour, then we’d leave the huge bowl of future diabetes and death on our porch and the Honor System would reign while we took our kids around the neighborhood for their turn at the chocolate.  Or fruit snacks.  Bastards.

When we moved to Alabama, we chose an older home in an older neighborhood.  Newsflash:  80 year olds don’t like to trick or treat.  Our first Halloween here sucked.  It sucked so bad I think I would’ve taken those fruit snacks.

As the next Halloween was barreling down on us, I looked into going out of town, specifically to Disney World for their annual Mickey’s Not So Scary Halloween Party.  This after hours, ticketed event happens during select nights in September and October and families are encouraged to dress up in costume.

I also discovered during that time that Universal Orlando was celebrating the 20th anniversary of Halloween Horror Nights.  It is also an after hours, ticketed event held on select nights in September and October.  Costumes are not allowed due to their Scare Actors, haunted houses, etc.

Our first year at Halloween Horror Nights (HHN) couldn’t have been better due to the 20th anniversary.  They brought several of the marquee “bad guys” back from previous years in celebration and it was mind blowing.  We had found our people.

Here are some pictures from our first HHN.  We really didn’t take that many because we were so overwhelmed by the event.

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Our first Mickey’s Not So Scary Halloween Party (MNSSHP) was also quite the event but much more family friendly.  We decided it would be more fun to go in themed costumes so with the popularity of Alice In Wonderland that year, we went with it.

Landon initially refused to be the Mad Hatter so we called a family conference.  I talked to Gracie beforehand and told her that we were going to offer him $20 to go as the Mad Hatter.  She was all in.  He rejected our $20 bribe and Gracie immediately slapped her hand on the coffee table and said “Okay, 50 bucks”! without consulting us.  He agreed to the $50, E and I noted that Gracie was a really shitty negotiator and have since elected not to include her in any costume bribery.

Landon turned out to be the hit of the night.  There were a few other Mad Hatters but none better than he was.  He stole the show from all of us (and that wasn’t the last time he “stole” our Disney thunder but more on that in Part 2) and he enjoyed every single minute of it.  Here are a few pics from that night.

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We have returned for both events ever since.  This will be our fifth year of celebrating Halloween week in Orlando and we are just as excited for it as we were the first time.

This year’s costumes are a secret and there have already been a few incorrect guesses from friends on Facebook.  I will reveal the costumes, with us in them, on October 30th, the night we attend the MNSSHP.

This will be our most epic year ever for costumes but before I get too far ahead of myself, I will be doing blog posts on each year we’ve attended the events and also include pictures of all our past costumes.

Stay tuned!  And return those 100% real juice fruit snacks to Walmart.  I mean it.

Don’t Cross The Streams, Damn It!

So I started watching this guy and his family, ViewFromTheCheapSeats, about a month ago for their Universal Orlando vlogs.  As some of you know, my family celebrates Halloween week in Orlando every year.  Yes, we are freaks but that’s not why we’re here tonight.

If you’ve been paying attention, you know that fall is my favorite season and I wait all damned year for the fall brews to arrive in stores.  Here’s a reminder if you don’t care about me at all and don’t listen to anything I say/write.  Douchebag.

If you’ve really been paying attention, are close friends with me and truly love me, you know I love the shit out of Butch Walker.  I haven’t blogged about him yet because really, it’s just too personal.  I can share all day long about my internet purchases of solar sex toys and Jack White but not Butch.  That’s where I draw the line.  Mostly because I still haven’t been able to see him in concert and he’s doing some shows with my other favorite singer of all time Ryan Adams and if I could see both of them at once the fucking universe would explode and right before it exploded, I’d be able to cross two – TWO!- whole things off my Concert Bucket List but the universe apparently hates my guts so I don’t get to see either of them yet, together or separately, and since I really don’t feel like going on a downward spiral with Jack Daniels tonight, we’ll just stop talking about this shit right now.

Everyone take a deep breath and calm down.

All these run-on sentences and shortness of breath were brought on because I was catching up on my YouTube subscriptions just now and ViewFromTheCheapSeats posted the video below, which seems completely harmless at first.  Candy, tacos, and pumpkin beer?  Hell yeah, I’m in.  His family is adorable but I’ll admit that I stuck around for the fall brew review.  That’s when the shit hit the fan and he had to cross the streams.  He crossed the streams, people!

I’m not even sure how I’m typing this right now because I’m 93% positive my head exploded but it is what it is.  Start watching at the 4:14 mark.  I’m warning you, though, go to the bathroom first, walk the dog, take your nighttime meds, give the kids a bath and kiss the love of your life goodnight because your mind is about to be blown.  You won’t be able to do anything else for the rest of the night, at least.  I mean, I’m just going to sit here and stare at my computer screen while drinking fall brews for the rest of the night as soon as I post this blog.

So y’all take off your Normal Caps and put on your Steph Caps (it’s the weird one you try to avoid, sitting over in your corner) and watch this video through my slightly crazed blue eyes.  4:14 mark.  You’ve been warned.  Go!  No, wait!  Be sure to also go to the 8:30 mark to see the end and the pictures that ultimately caused my cessation of brain function until at least tomorrow morning.

I have found my long lost twin.  We were separated at birth.  I know this in my heart.

You can take off the Steph Cap now.  Magenta really isn’t your color but I didn’t have the heart to tell you.

E has been gone on business all week and the struggle is real here at home as a temporary single mom but for tonight I have Butch Walker and fall brews.  Have a great week, y’all!