Nut Up Or Shut UP

We’re in Roatan, Honduras today, where the high temperature is supposed to be 95 degrees.  I’m actually expected to remove my ample ass from a very nice ship stocked with all the Guy’s Burgers and alcohol I want because there’s a zip line with my name written all over it somewhere in the Honduran jungle.  Probability is very high that this is going to end up as an episode of Naked and Afraid.

Did I already mention it’s going to be 95 degrees?  Have you read this, where I copped to being the biggest pussy of all time?  Is everyone up to speed now?  Good.

I am not thrilled about this.  I’m scared shitless but I can do it.  How can I tell my daughter to face her fears and not be afraid when I can’t do the same?  I will do this.  This is my mantra today.

Also, I totally plan on slipping myself some roofies beforehand.

I’m On A Boat

If all goes correctly, I will be on a boat when you read this.  I’ve never scheduled a post in advance so you very well may not even see this until next year.  I won’t know until next week because I’ll BE ON A BOAT, MOTHERFUCKERS!

Oh, shut up.  You know “I’m On A Boat” is still funny, even after watching it for the 467th time.  Also, the video reminds me that my husband absolutely hates it when I say “flippy floppies”.  I say it in a weird voice and usually very loud and fast.  Picture Adam Sandler saying “flippy floppies”, except with a Southern accent, and you pretty much have it.  I’m saying it out loud right now, sitting all alone in my living room.  Because I can.

I have a real treat for you creepers.  Here’s the link to our ship camera:

Peek in periodically to see if you can catch my drunken ass taking an unplanned spill into the pool.  Watch for the flash of magenta hair and the tragic loss of alcohol as I go under.  Thank God there isn’t an audio option.

I will be scheduling a few posts to go up while I’m gone so check in to see what I’m up to.  Think of it as blog sitting for me.  Come in every couple days, read my mail, piss in my plants, rifle through my bedside table and medicine cabinet, drink my beer and order some Pay Per View.  I’m counting on you.