Prom

WTF Wednesday: How To Remain A Virgin On Prom Night

Just a note:  My husband said this post made absolutely no sense to him at first because on his phone, the video is positioned at the bottom of the post.  So please watch the video, wherever it may be on your device screen, first.  Then proceed to read the post.  Thank you!

I meant to start my series called “WTF Wednesday” months ago but I haven’t really seen anything that made me care enough to actually start the series. Until now.

Exactly as I did in my Oscar The Grouch panty post, I’m just going to do the uncensored stream of thought thing here.

Is your goal to make it through prom with your dick firmly entrenched inside your pants?  Do you wear a purity ring?  Is your prom date Honey Boo Boo or her mother?  Do you practice voodoo and want to be ready for anything?  Is the grease from the chicken leg a last resort lubricant if your dick does make it out of your pants?  Are you a cast or family member of Duck Dynasty?  Are you gay (no judgement), still in the closet and want to show your disdain for the female gender by pinning dead, deep fried body parts of a mostly harmless animal to your date’s wrist?  As a child, did you hate your See ‘N Say with a fiery passion and make a silent pact to yourself that one day, one sweet day, you would get your revenge on that motherfucking chicken and maintain your virginity in one fell swoop?  If you nodded enthusiastically to any of the above, well then, you have hit the jackpot.

Now just some general questions and thoughts:  What’s the style etiquette on this chicken leg thing?  Is the chicken leg the new white shoe, meaning your ass will be voted off of the Southern Spring Azalea Trail Tour if you’re caught rocking that bitch before Easter?  Will KFC eventually offer necklace charms that can hold BBQ sauce and a wet nap?  Can I get a chicken liver boutonniere for my date?  Will KFC eventually up their game and offer wedding bouquets featuring a bucket of chicken and two family sides?  Is it in really bad taste (pun intended) to do the Chicken Dance while wearing a chicken corsage?  I had two dates to the prom so I would’ve really caused a spike in quadriplegic chicken stats.  Actually, a chicken doesn’t have four limbs so what would that be called? Duoriplegic?  Will Miley Cyrus gyrate naked on a giant fried chicken leg in her next video?  Dear God, KFC, what have you done?!  Think of the ramifications.

If you really, really like the girl, can you upgrade to a breast?  Personally, I think chicken legs may as well be chicken ass.  If a chicken corsage could translate to emotion, it would be flaming, all consuming, death seeking hatred.  There’s not an emoticon for that but now there is a corsage for that.

And finally, if you’re going to give me a corsage I can eat, it had better include a Krispy Kreme Dougnut because I can and will totally beat your ass with a chicken leg.