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I need a softball and y’all are throwing me one tonight whether you like it or not.

E has been traveling more than lice in a preschool classroom, I just found my Halloween costume and already need intense therapy for the serious shit I have to do to fit into it in 11 weeks, and the kids start school tomorrow.  Our summer is gone.

Tonight over dinner, I realized that this is the last year I will take a first day of school picture of both my kids.  Landon is a Senior.  This hit me pretty hard tonight.  It came out of left field, this feeling of losing control of time, not that I ever had it.  I’m nearing panic attack mode now, just thinking of my son out in the world.  Not because he’s deficient but because other people can be.

So that’s where your softball comes in.  I meant to write about my Texas night out with Sylvia and Fantasia but I’m not up to it tonight.  I don’t want to short that epic tale so tonight I will write about something fun and light and quick like Google searches.

Put away your huge bottle of lotion and watch these videos.  They’re short and hilarious but very NSFW (not safe for work, people).

Everyone up to speed?  Good.  Someone give that Google Guy a nerve pill and a bottle of Jack Daniel’s Old No. 7.  Also, someone please taze the living shit out of Siri.  I swear, that bitch.

I was reviewing my recent viewing stats for my blog (the one you’re reading right now.  I know, I’m shocked, too.) and WordPress actually tracks the search engine terms people have used, only to be directed to my blog.  I should a start a charity for those poor, helpless bastards.  Of course, not all search engines allow that data to be shared but these are the searched terms that were shared with me in my stats.

  • cozumel shore excursion tequila jeep
  • naked zipline
  • jeep tequila cozumel
  • you made me cry and now you expect me to wipe your tears? sorry karma is a bitch and you chose a classy one
  • steph something about nothing blog
  • cozumel chocolate and tequila sampling
  • is crazy bills and insane mccain the same person
  • was there a real person named alfred dunner
  • a mysterious, classy hot momma meme
  • baba ftball
  • hamburglar swimming
  • obi wan kenobi our only hope shirt
  • namaste my ass right here
  • hairy female legs
  • a good cock is hard to find
  • date night in the rocks
  • dime bag darel rehab
  • cozumel jeep wrangler rental
  • zip line scared face
  • picture unicorn i make pretty shit all day
  • bandwagoners paragraph
  • jeeps and tequila
  • i would fight for you
  • i’m a classy lady
  • where island jeep tour cozumel goes tequila tasting?
  • five foot rules
  • buying bras

My blog isn’t making the Google Guy furious yet but I bet he’s at least slightly offended.  We all have to start somewhere.  Life goals.  I have them.

Thanks for helping me feel better.  You’re awesome with those softballs.  Now go Google “Hamburglar Pics” in the Deep Web.  I know we can get it to trend.  Safe search off, y’all.  Don’t forget to clear that history.  #Hamburglarpics