Warning: The word “ass” and a couple of its variations is used in this blog post a lot. Like a metric ass ton. It’s just called for. Roll with it this one time. Okay, we all know there will be lots of other times but just roll with it, damn it.
Remember that little fear of heights thing I blogged about here and the accompanying proposed zip line excursion? Well, I won’t say that I conquered that fear completely in Roatan, Honduras but it failed in making me its bitch and I gave it a kick in the ass and balls it won’t forget for a long, long time.
I did it. I know it’s not a big thing to some of you. Maybe you’ve scaled Mount Everest or jumped out of an airplane when you didn’t even have to. This blog post isn’t meant to impress you although I think you’re bad ass and I can only aspire to live as fearlessly as you do.
This blog post is meant for the weak kneed people who stay in the shadows, watching the excitement take place around you and without you. This post is for the people who are automatically handed the camera to take pictures of others doing exciting things because… well, you’re a pussy and everyone knows it so you may as well document THEIR bad assery for their next Facebook profile picture. This post is meant for people like me, like I still am in many ways.
This adventure has given me hope that I can do other things I never imagined I would do. I have gained 40 pounds over the past eight months and have been feeling a bit mousy. I didn’t feel mousy after this was over. I felt exhilarated and that zip line gave me the kick my ample ass so desperately needed. I’m excited to think of all the other phobias I can conquer in all different cities now and that just inspires me to lose the weight, even though that obviously didn’t stop this adventure. The fact that I did this while feeling incredibly low and mousy just means that I can accomplish bigger, better things when I’m feeling my best again.
My son and I were only maybe two of three people (if I recall correctly) who zip lined upside down, with assistance, of course. I am giddy that I did this and I hope it inspires the piss out of you.
I will do full reviews of each excursion in the coming week, including a more in-depth review of this zip lining trip.
In the meantime, feast your eyes on Steph: International Bad Ass. There’s talk of a possible movie and it’s surprisingly not even a porn. I’d like Kate Beckinsale to play me because she’s hot and and a total bad ass. We’ll see how it goes. Also, I have to apologize to my husband because I think the zip line dude and I made it to at least 3rd base, based on the photographic evidence.
I think I should have a Caption This contest for the look on zip line dude’s face. And check out my cool Def Leppard tank. Bad assery exemplified. I also must point out that I kept my sunglasses on, albeit askew, even upside down! There is nothing I can’t do now!
Now y’all go out and do something bad ass this week.