I’m stepping a little outside my norm here this week and giving reviews for each of the three cruise excursions we participated in. Rest assured that even with this serious business, I do still manage to work in some curse words and the word “penis”. Some things will never change. First up is the zip line tour in Roatan, Honduras.
We did not book this excursion through Carnival. We booked directly with South Shore Zip-Line Adventures. We disembarked and it was quite the walk down the hill to meet them. I guess Carnival has rules about vendors they don’t use and how close they can get to the ship, etc. Once we got to them, it was very organized and we were divided into groups and boarded the van that would take us to the zip lines.
If my recall is correct, I believe it was about a 30 minute ride from the port to the zip line site. The van was air conditioned and the driver (unfortunately, I have forgotten his name as I suck at recalling names) was very informative about what we were seeing along the way. We got a good taste of Roatan scenery and he also stopped at a great photo spot and took pictures with our cameras.
Next up was the actual zip line site. There were locker rentals for $2 each and we had no problem stowing all our snorkel gear, etc. in a single locker. They did have a bar with drinks for sale but really there was no time for me to have any liquid courage. Before I knew it, they were fitting us with our harnesses and safety gear and it was just a short walk to the first line.
I had absolutely no time to be nervous because we were one of the first families in line. I’m grateful for that because given time, I may have backed out. I hope I wouldn’t have but generally that’s the way it goes with me. New roller coaster? Give me a no wait line, no time to think and I’ll ride just about anything. Stick me in a long line with plenty of mulling time and I screw myself. After that first line, there was no stopping me.
Each line was different but the scenery was absolutely breathtaking on every one. After the first couple lines were under my belt, I had time and courage to just look around me while I was zipping along. It was all jungle and gorgeous views of the ocean. It’s the stuff you see on post cards, pictures taken from above in planes, except I was seeing them myself with my own eyes. There are 16 platforms, with a maximum length of 1300 feet and over 100 feet in height. It took about an hour and a half to complete all the lines and then the crew took off our safety gear and we rode an open air truck back down the hill to the base office.
We were the only family who had elected the “Dip” option, which included going to a local beach after the zip line. Our driver told us to take our time at the zip site, have a drink, and have pictures with the monkey (I was not the monkey. Ass holes.) and then he’d drive us to the beach.
I don’t really do foreign animals who may or may not have had their shots and are probably carrying the Ebola virus. I was wise to shun the monkey because right before these pictures, Bad Monkey (not his real name, that’s just what my family calls him) bit another little girl who was maybe around 8 years old in our group. I missed it but from the retelling, the girl was trying to pet Bad Monkey while she was posing for her picture with him. The little girl apparently crossed the line and violated Bad Monkey’s personal photo policy and he was so not cool with that. Supposedly, Bad Monkey didn’t break the skin but I would have lost my parental shit and punted the little fucker if it had been my kid. He would’ve zip lined without a line or safety gear. The owner of the monkey started yelling, “Bad monkey, bad monkey!” in a hilarious Honduran accent and Bad Monkey regained control of his shit and settled down. I was initially alarmed and confused when I heard someone yelling “Bad monkey, bad monkey!” because that’s what I sometimes yell at my husband’s penis but that’s an entirely different story for another day.
So what do you do immediately after Bad Monkey has bitten an 8 year old girl? Why, you put that rabid little fucker on your daughter’s shoulder, that’s what you do! I did not approve of these high risk pictures (to see who did approve them, see the last Bad Monkey picture, where someone suddenly regretted the whole thing when Bad Monkey started dirty dancing on his neck and tried to eat his locker key) but here they are anyway.
We were watching the news the next day in our cabin and they aired a story on a new outbreak of Ebola in West Africa. “I told you so” may have been said loudly and repeatedly.
Back on track. Again, we were the only family who had opted for the Dip part of the tour. The driver loaded my family into the van and we headed to West Bay Beach. Initially, it looked sketchy on the outside. You can’t see through the cantina to see what’s beyond so we told the driver we would only stay an hour. We could have easily done another hour. It wasn’t too crowded (crowded beaches piss me off and defeat the whole purpose of the beach experience, at least for me) and was absolutely beautiful.
When our hour was up, the driver was right on time. He made sure we got our complimentary drinks and let us bring our beers to drink on the way back to the ship. He would tell us about things of interest as we passed them but for the most part, it was just a relaxing, quiet ride back to the port. My son asked a lot of questions and the driver was very patient with him and even ended up giving our son Honduran money, a bill and coins, when he asked about the difference in currency.
This was an awesome excursion and we would do it again in a heartbeat. The scenery is unbeatable. The staff is awesome and they were very safety oriented. I didn’t feel alarmed for one second over my harness, the cables, anything. When they asked who wanted to zip upside down, I didn’t hesitate because a guide zips with you for that trick. I knew I was as safe as I could possibly be and that made all the difference. The zip guys are hilarious and definitely work hard for their money. The price was $60 per person, which is an excellent deal for all we got, in my opinion. We tipped well so that does factor into the cost but even with that, it was affordable for what it was and very much worth it.
If you’re ever in Roatan, Honduras, look these guys up. Definitely a Bucket List item!
I hope you enjoyed the review. Later this week, I will be reviewing our Belize snorkeling excursion and our Go Jeep Tequila tour so stay tuned!
I love you, woman…..I’d zipline like a motherfucker with you, then I’d bite the moneky and give him the elusive redneck ebola virus, which is in effect – alcohol poisoning.
Good to know but we don’t even have to zip line to bite a monkey. Let’s find a zoo and do this bitch.
You rock girl and damn proud you to call you my fellow unicornian 🙂 The bigger question is, was said “Bad Monkey” in the witness protection plan??? He was covering his eyes in all the photos.
Bad Monkey is supposedly “shy”. What a great big load of monkey shit, huh? Thank you for commenting, my esteemed fellow Unicornian. I’m thinking we can make this an organized religion and get some tax breaks.