I’m sitting on my couch at 4:00 p.m. Central Time, eating a piece of banana nut bread, the only thing I’ve had time to eat today.  The local weather is on the TV, which I turned on all by myself.  I usually have to get assistance from my autistic teenage son.  Feel free to unsubscribe from my dumb ass now. I’ll totally understand.

We will be on weather watch for the rest of the night, probably into the wee hours of the morning, for tornadoes.  The weatherman advised me on this morning’s news to, among other things, “keep a whistle around your neck so rescuers can find you in the rubble, keep running shoes on at all times, and wear a helmet, any helmet”.  That’s not a very bitchin’ way to get your Monday started.

Schools dismissed early today due to the impending weather so the kids and I did some errands and then came home to prepare.  The weather radio is ready to go, cell phones charged.  We have extra bottled water in the basement, blankets and comforters and winter coats ready.  If you’re Southern, you know what the helmets, coats, blankets and comforters are for.

My friend Kari messaged me a while ago and asked if we were okay.  I told her the above info, in a nutshell, and I also told her this:  “Kids are okay, surprisingly, considering we saw “Tornado Alley” at the IMAX theater yesterday.  Are we the worst fucking parents on Earth or what”?!

We have found a winner, folks.  We are the only parents on Earth who thought seeing “Tornado Alley” (in huge mother fucking IMAX form) was a pretty good idea in April.  In the South.  We suck.

It’s going to be an ugly night, even without a tornado, here in Birmingham.  Say a prayer for the towns already suffering from this outbreak, along with the rest of us who can’t do much as we watch this awfulness coming at us.  Y’all stay safe out there.